I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
