Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
