Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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