You were right. It hurts to walk today.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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