We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
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I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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