I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
