i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
