I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
