I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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