She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
