i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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