you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize