The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
