i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize