I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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