remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
