i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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