my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
