ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
