Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
