the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
this hospital has no fireball
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
