i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize