Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
