Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
