Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
