who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
