I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
