Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
