I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
