hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
