Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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