You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
