happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize