i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
