This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
