You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
