I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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