i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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