Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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