i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
