Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
