i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
