I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
