There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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