I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i barfeds in our rink
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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