..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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