i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
