Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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