You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
