my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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