All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
