Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
