He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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