If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
