the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
