the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
