so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
