Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
