I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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