I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
