Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
