well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
