I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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