She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
