Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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