I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
