he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
