Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My pussy is not your playground.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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