i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
