the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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