Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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